Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Cow Economics.

I know this Cow Economics have been
permeating the Internet for years now
but I cannot help but laugh each time I read it.


You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.


You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.


You have two cows. The government takes them both and gives you some milk.


You have two cows. The government takes them both and sells you some milk.
You have two cows. The State takes both and shoots you.


You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

Traditional Capitalism

You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

American Capitalism

You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

Corporate Capitalism

You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

Enron Venture Capitalism

You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank. He then executes a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by your CFO who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on six more.

Arthur Andersen Model Capitalism

You have papers for two cows but no cows. You shred them.


You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.


You have two giraffes. You are required to take harmonica lessons.

Politically Correct Capitalism

You are associated ("ownership" is a symbol of the war mongering, intolerant past) with two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.

French Capitalism

You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot and block the roads because you want three cows.

Japanese Capitalism

You have two cows, You redesign them so they are 1/10 the size of an ordinary cow and produce 20 times the milk. You then create a clever cow image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

Swiss Capitalism

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge owners for storing them.

British Capitalism

You have two cows. You feed them sheep's brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.

Chinese Capitalism

You have two cows. You have 300 people miling them. You claim the you have full employment and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reports otherwise.

Iraqi Capitalism

Everyone thinks you have many cows. You tell them you have none but they don't believe you and bomb the $h*! out of your country. You still have no cows but at least you are part of a democracy.

Australian Capitalism

You have two cows. Business seems good. You close the office and go for a few celebratory beers.

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