Friday, January 4, 2008

My neighb0r - the fr0g wh0re

June 18, 2007

my neighb0r - the fr0g wh0re

i am a very private pers0n
c0nsidering my skin and status
(half swiss+half cheese)
i value whatever bit 0f calm and privacy
i can get h0ld 0f.

the day the fr0g family m0ved in the c0mp0und
was the day the devil decided t0 be neighb0r
let me start my rant by describing these freaks.

the patriarch
small, handy man named "mang b0y"
he w0uld have made a nice l0l0
if n0t f0r his unusual greetings t0
his grandkids -
'Putang ina niy0 nakalabas na naman kay0'
'EJ (male grandkid), Jaja (female grandkid)
putang ina niy0 magsipas0k kay0.'

the matriarch
feeble, wizened, asthma-cl0gged lady,
if y0u th0ught all grandma's were nice
y0u sh0uld spend a day with me here
'PUTANG INA NIY0, labas kay0 ng labas'
'Eeeeeeeeeejjjjaaaaaayyyy, putang-ina m0 ka'
'An0 ba kay0? lagi kay0ng nasa kalsada,
putang ina niy0 kay0'

the addict - elder br0ther
always lurking in the dark
i caught him l00king at me 0nce
i w0uld be m0re c0mf0rtable if he
was l00king at me with disgust rather
than lust.
he's always walking ar0und the small encl0sure
0f 0ur wee c0mp0und like a caged rat.
y0u kn0w hes h0me because the rusty gates
always make n0ises at 2-4 am.
the typical addict, 30s-40s rides his bike
ar0und t0wn and is unempl0yed.

the yabang teen br0ther
this guy 0pens his sentences with
putang ina m0,
every single day with0ut fail.
"putang ina ang hina ng ulan'
'puta nagwawalis ak0 dit0'
'puta ka ej magsipas0k kay0'
y0u get my p0int
hes als0 the resident yaya 0f
the fr0g wh0res kids
and he has an un mistakeable resemblance
t0 a character we all kn0w 0f - ew0ks

finally we have the fr0g wh0re itself
typical filipina y0u get n0wadays,
married early, pretends shes a trilli0naire,
dresses w0rse than the l0cal gr0
(summer prints paper pants and raz0r back t0p)
G0d, c0uld it get any w0rse?!
she screams a l0t, gets her weekly fix 0f beauty
fr0m the l0cal manicurista (bec shes s0 dev0id 0f
beauty inside and 0ut)
always g0es 0ut with her shades and n0isy cl0gs
because shes like 3 feet tall.

im s0rry t0 say this but that is the typical filipina
due t0 whatever reas0ns, this individual has been
bereft 0f etiquette and manners like s0 many pe0ple
0ut there, its n0t a questi0n 0f y0ur upbringing
0r the quality 0f y0ur educati0n, its h0w y0u get al0ng with
0thers. these pe0ple are the reas0ns why i d0nt want t0 have
kids. these pe0ple suck at rearing children, they suck at living
pr0ductive lives.

i think the fr0g wh0res husband is here, pr0bably an 0cw.
i kn0w she must be feeling really 0ver the t0p right n0w,
but lady here this, having an 0cw in the family is sad sad
situati0n t0 be in, because its a sign that we are p00r (y0u heard
me, we are p00r). family members have t0 leave t0 put
f00d 0n 0ur tables. trust me, i sh0uld kn0w.

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