Floating

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I am at a state wherein 

I just want to float away to nothingness.

I cry every damn night.

A partner's infidelity can cause insanity

to a lesser woman.

I still do not trust him.

He has yet to prove it to me

I am seriously thinking, he never will.

He has hurt me again,

that is besides the mistakes

he committed last time.

He has yet to find a future for himself.

He has no intimacy left for me.

I practically have to beg.

I cannot help it.

He says I always try to find faults,

He says I have to many insecurities.

He made me this way...

For 6 years I never nagged,

I rarely got mad,

I gave in to his every whim,

i gave myself to him,

I showered him with just-because gifts

I tried to make him happy even if it meant

sacrifices... they are all meaningless now.

I am spent.

I just want him the way he was before.

He was spontaneous,

head over heels for me,

thoughtful,

he was honest about everything.

But that was then.

Why does it hurt so much?

Yes, I got him back,

but this stranger, he is not the man I loved.

Help me.

I know I cannot turn back time.

Help me believe that everything will be okay in the end,

even if it means letting him go.