Enough

 I got tired of putting up with
his shit already.

I told him,
"you are now a freeman,
please do not communicate
with me nor visit my house anymore."

He begged for another chance,
to make ammends.

And because I am not so sure
of myself, and I do not want to make
promises I cannot keep.

I told him that it was up to him
to make ammends,
if he says he is sorry,
saying it is not enough.

He has to do something
and prove it to me.
Because frankly he has been
churning out shit for awhile now.

Yesterday, I checked his phone.
I know I was wrong by invading
his privacy but lo and behold.

When I was at work and when he was
purportedly  out with his buddies
celebrating the festival he was meeting
one of his whores again.

He even saved her number under the name
- My Wife.

I wanted to slap him there and then
but he caught me holding his phone
and angrily castigated me.

I locked myself upstairs and cried.
Those were not tears of sadness
anymore but of anger.

After several hours I went
downstairs, he tried to hug me
but I shoved him.

And then it all poured out,
I was crying and angry with him.
I told him not to bother me again,
he pleaded to reconcile.

I told him how I was able to
hack all of his online accounts,
he said he did not want to know.

I told him, that he has to look
at it because in one of his logs,
he sent a message to one of his whores
saying not to mind me because I was
a spoiled stuck-up only child.
He even used an expletive on me.

I told him everything -
how I can see his messages,
how he professed his love to
all his whores except me and treated
me like shit instead.

I told him how unfair he was
and how lucky he was to have me
knowing how I have put up with him
with all these years.

I was just so mad.

I have put him on a pedestal
to worship yet he treated me like dirt.

I just want to move on.

Yes, I still love him, eight years
is just too much to forget overnight.

I just dont want to grow old alone
but I know there are some things
I really need to do by myself.

Heal me please...
I want this over and done with.