Calendar Girl

Around 6 of my friends/acquaintances
have gotten married just this month.

And thankfully only 1 of them
was actually pregnant.
They all had long engagements prior
to the event.

Sheeesh, fate is rubbing salt to my wounds.
Thank you for reminding me that my
biological clock is hastening to its doom.

I am happy for them, I truly am.

For a woman I think, nothing
is more flattering than having a man
profess his devotion and offer his entirety to you.

His mind, soul, heart.
His past, present and future.
The goodness in him, the evil
and the gray state in between.

For some it was a long wait for the 'right' one.
For others, the choice was by chance or
perhaps by circumstances.

Back in highschool, I kept telling everybody
that I would not be getting married,
somehow it is becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy, ugh.

I am now engaged only virtually to my partner
in crime of 9 years.
A perpetual state.

I was watching PBB earlier,
(there is nothing but TFC here)
There was this one guy who always
tried to hold this particular girls hand.
And what's most dear about it is
that they even tried to hide it
from their housemates -
holding hands behind a friends back,
holding hands underneath a pillow,
touching hands while innocently doing
another activity.

Ah youth, you magnify my loneliness
in this infernal place.

Where back home I am free, out here
I am caged - bound and gagged.

There is no happiness where one's basic liberties are shackled.

The simple interlacing of our fingers,
the lightest touch of his hand,
his embrace cocoons me from the terrifying
reality of everyday life.
He is my assurance.

Lord grant me sanity,
this place is getting to me.
Lord, grant me sanity,
this place is getting to me.